After Sundown - Chapter 35 - The past that cannot be changed
The yellow-robed person looked at his grandson’s body alternately with his luck. Kannika’s enthusiasm meant that Chanthakorn couldn’t rush to save his nephew as he wished. Since his soul had only been expelled from his body in this state, the best thing he could do right now was gather his spirits and pray…
Chanthakorn raised all the merits he had worked hard to create in this life to protect younger people. It was a white light like a protective shield surrounding the small body
Saengrawee felt the pain lessen. He relied on the last of his strength and tried to gather his concentration and attention thinking about Luang Luang’s teachings as well as someone’s handsome face. So this time, he didn’t let fear dominate his mind.
He gritted his teeth through the pain. This time, the person affected was Kannika. The girl’s soul was driven by an invisible force. He screamed in pain. When the rotten skin caught the light, its red eyes glowed with hatred. He wanted to avenge Chanthakorn, but knew he couldn’t fight the Buddha, so the anger in his chest rose until it almost overflowed.
“Kannika…”
But he had not yet decided who to face first: Chanthakorn’s soul, which was exhausted from meditation, or Saengrawee’s soul which had been weakened by its power, the voice of someone who was greatly missed rang loudly, causing the owner of that name to stop and freeze.
“Yes Phi…”
“If your soul hears my voice, I want you to hear a few words from me once”
Saengrawee was sure he heard Pruit’s voice coming from somewhere. Somewhere in the middle of nowhere and the sound made Kannika’s sharp eyes
soften immediately. The other party’s eyes flashed. Meanwhile, the voice of the Head of the Sittikarakanal family continued to speak strongly and steadily.
“I want to apologize, sorry that my actions may have harmed you and made you misunderstand and think too far. I’m sorry because I couldn’t receive the love you wanted. But there is something I want to remind Kannika to know. I always love Kannika like my little sister.”
Kannika’s soul screamed like a wounded animal. It wasn’t that he didn’t know or had never heard these words from Pruit’s mouth but that was because Kannika
had never thought about accepting the truth.
He was in pain every time he heard the truth from the mouth of the person he secretly loved. This was no different from sticking the tip of a sharp knife into the wound in the gap in the middle of my heart.
“Oh no, I don’t want to hear it!”
“It’s been a long time since we first met. I still remember that little girl who smiled brightly yesterday. A sister’s smile is always present”
Images of the past when Kannika was young and clueless ran through his memory. Sometimes when he makes a mistake while
running and falls and injures himself, Pruit, who always stands beside him, is always there to help him get back up.
The phrase “Present” expresses concern that is never lacking. But everything is set within the framework of brotherhood. The other party never crossed the line. There was only him who thought too far alone.
Love like honey in the fifth month made him crazy, but it was bitterer than wormwood. A young woman who once had a pure heart had changed… changed to the point that Kannika never had time to look back at herself.
“ In my eyes, the Kannika I know is a neat and
sweet little sister. Until you grow up, on the day when your feelings are broken, I admit and can’t lie that I’m angry about what you did. Not a little…so much that it’s hard for me to bear it.”
Tears flowed freely from his eyes to the ground. Kannika couldn’t speak but sobbed because she knew very well what she had done to Phrit was too bad for her to ask for forgiveness.
He made a fuss to slander him. Causing a child to be born to be used as a tool. Blaming Phrit to be responsible for things he didn’t do. Uncontrolled desires destroy the happiness of the good relationship in the past that they worked so hard to build together.
Kannika knows this very well. Pruit probably hated him with all his heart
Then there is no opportunity to repent. Since he had gone astray on the wrong path to death, it was too late to turn back and make things right…
“Kannika…no matter how angry I am with you, deep inside, I still think about our good relationship in the past, even on the day you chose the wrong path, I still love my little sister the same way…even though I angry, it’s not anger that leads to hatred. ”
The young woman’s soul sobbed until she almost died. Feelings of guilt
overwhelmed him. It was as if he had been hit by a huge wave, crashing until he almost ran out of strength. Kannika is trapped with the understanding that everyone always hates her. But in reality, He was the only one who was still attached to the past and couldn’t let it go.
“Phi, I don’t hate you at all. Do you know anything at all?” said the young soul. He asked in a low, trembling voice. More like mumbling to myself than wanting to speak so anyone could hear.
“I decided to take care of Patchara. Raising her as one of the Sittikornkanal family members for the sake of our relationship yesterday and because Pacthara’s eyes are very similar to my little sister’s eyes. ”
Kannika slumped to the ground, exhausted as she thought about the face of her son, the child she had been thinking of using as a tool. While still having life. Jealousy took over his heart and made him ignore the child. It’s true that he missed a lot of parts…
At this moment, she was no different from a hot fire doused with cold water, Kannika seemed to have just realized. It seemed that on that day, he was too late. Pruit didn’t hate him. Even so, the other party is like black and white. He raised a child who was not his own blood and was also born from someone who intended to harm him.
Pruit Sittikornkanal was a good person and always had been, never changing, even on the day of the young woman’s death. The other party would never think of spreading the rot he had done to anyone…
“Nong asked for more…” Kannika was deeply hurt by this truth. If Pruit hated him a little, he could curse him a little. He can be very cruel towards others. But because Pruit is such a good person, he gets hurt…
Just to apologize, Kannika still didn’t dare to speak, but she
let her tears flow helplessly. There was no remains of the beautiful young woman she had been when she was alive.
“If your soul can listen…I pray that Nong escapes the karmic trap you have to face. Go to the good world and if the next life is real…I hope you can meet someone who is willing to be yours. Don’t suffer like what happens in this life.”
Kannika sobbed until she vomited. Pruit’s blessing was no different than something that reminded him to be careful and accept reality. That is a real weapon. Pruit and him… Pruit and him, were in different worlds now. No matter how hard he wanted to fight fate, he couldn’t escape this reality…
“Kannika…even though I can’t accept your love. But I apologize to you. Everything I have done, I hope you yourself are willing to forgive your brother. Saengrawee…please let the child go.”
Pruit’s fault for not loving Kannika. That’s a mistake. The young woman herself didn’t even dare to accept the apology because actually not loving someone is not a mistake at all, but hurting others to get what her heart desires is a scary thing…
Letting go of emotional wounds will create feelings of being trapped.
Long-standing bonds of hatred have been released. All that remains is the regret that remains and never goes away. The young soul regretted his choice.
A trip gone wrong makes him sad because today he can’t go back and fix anything in the past anymore…
“Grandma”
Pruit’s deep voice was replaced by someone else’s voice. Even though they had never met each other before, Kannika immediately knew who the person was…
PhraPhloeng Sittikornkanal, the only grandson born of his flesh and blood…
The grandson who always thought of him, even though they had never met… This child had pure love for him as a family member…
‘I have Grandpa… where is Grandma? Father’
‘In heaven.’
‘Is Grandma happy up there?’
‘Grandma will be happy if she sees Phloeng become a good child. If Phloeng loves and thinks about Grandma, you must always serve her (pray for her).’
Phuit never taught Patchara to hate Kannika. So Patchara always saw her as a good mother. Together with PhraPhloeng, the two of them often went out of their way to provide services for him. Especially PhraPhloeng, this child…made Kannika know pure love. It is a love that does not have any additional emotions that make it contaminated.
‘Today is mother’s birthday. Phloeng made gifts for mother and also for grandmother”
‘Grandma, are you okay in heaven?’
‘This is Buddha’s Holy Day. Phloeng gives alms to grandmother. (Maintenance/a kind of offering)’
‘Grandma, have you seen my test scores? Has Phloeng been a good granddaughter?’
The little grandson always remembered Kannika, from a stranger like him to forming a bond. He loves and adores PhraPhloeng. Just like PhraPhloeng who continues to offer his pure love.
Kannika always cared for and protected her grandson as far as her soul power could reach. Until then…he never knew that all this hatred would impact his loved ones
“If grandma hears Phloeng’s voice… please return her to Phloeng, can grandma return my lover?…”
PhraPhloeng’s trembling voice was filled with pain just like Chan’s. The young man had never sounded like that before. Kannika closed her eyes slowly, her heart hurt much more than when she was overwhelmed by love. His selfishness really hurt his grandson.
“Phloeng begged, Phloeng agreed to everything…Grandma, can you return Nong to Phloeng? Just this once….”
Her granddaughter’s pleading voice woke Kannika up. PhraPhloeng loves Saengrawee…like the true love of a boy he longs for to the point of making him a tool of revenge because of his desire to win and get satisfaction. He even took his grandson’s heart.
“Phloeng was injured and almost died, therefore Phloeng begged”
Kannika knew that PhraPhloeng was not exaggerating. Forced to separate from a lover, unrequited in love, he knows how painful it is. He knows better than anyone. And because he knows better than anyone else. Kannika didn’t want PhraPhloeng to suffer the same pain she experienced.
“Phloeng loves Grandma. Even though we’ve never met, Phloeng loves Grandma just as much as Grandpa, Dad and Mom.”
The sentence he had often heard from his grandson since childhood rang in his mind. Kannika’s tears flowed. In the end… The hatred that
has accumulated since long ago cannot match the pure love of family members
He gave up… gave up completely.
Kannika did not know that after this her sinful soul would suffer how much. How many hundreds and thousands of miles would he have to pay in the underworld
for the mistakes he made? But all he prayed and asked for was one thing.
“Hah….Phloeng. Grandma…Grandma is sorry.”
He hoped his grandson would
forgive him…
“Yom Kannika…people make mistakes. So…you can always start from the beginning. Even though you can’t go back and change the past. But letting go of the current suffering will take you to a better world and you won’t have to suffer like that like before.”
Kannika opened her eyes but still didn’t have the courage to look up at the person standing in front of her. There were many mistakes he had done to this man, the bad things he had done flashed through his head. It’s like a movie projector on repeat. The truth is revealed, although there is one thing missing…
Chanthakorn never replied to him once. The other party is a good person….
It’s no different with Pruit
“I apologize for the past. Just let it go, don’t let it stick anymore”
Even now, the good qualities of the other party are still there. This made Kannika think deeply, is that why the two of them are suitable to be together? His love, which was once real, can now be just selfishness.
Kannika’s tired eyes flickered. He locked eyes with Chanthakorn. For the first time the tears that had overflowed before fell again. It took
several minutes before a few words were heard.
” Chanthakorn… I’m sorry
. ”
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PhraPhloeng bowed to pay his respects at the pagoda with the ashes of someone known to be one of his grandmothers. It was difficult to swallow every lump back into his throat. His feelings were currently very fragile.
The story he had just learned from his grandfather also haunted the young man. Perhaps there would never be a day where he could believe it if not for the strong confirmation from his own father…
One hour before. Pruit traveled directly from Ayutthaya
back to Bangkok. He conveyed the whole story to the person who had the status of his grandson to hear. The other party was silent for a moment before he gathered his composure to ask what was on his mind.
“Does Father know this too? Things if dad isn’t”
” Father has known all along. Grandpa never lied or
hid it. Dad is not from the Sittikornkanal bloodline.” His father answered honestly. He always knew that he was not the true Pruit bloodline, but because the other party loved and cared for him like a family member, Patchara never felt deprived…
Even though the initial intention to take responsibility was not because of love, as Patchara grew up he was raised very well. In fact, he received complete love from Pruit. Because of this, he loved Pruit like his own real father.
“Does this all mean that everything that happened was Grandma’s work?” Nowadays PhraPhloeng has stopped thinking about the basics of reality. The last few months his life has really changed completely.
Science cannot answer every question. That’s why people who have never thought of believing in spirits or mysterious things and the supernatural change their minds.
“…”
PhraPhloeng’s question was not answered in words, so Pruit decided to hand over the letter he received from Chanthakorn
to his grandson. The other party reads and reviews the issue themselves
His sharp eyes flickered as he read the contents of the letter from the first line to the last line. The content in it is no different from confirming everyone’s words. All of this is real.
“Take me to Grandma…”
Because of such sentences, Pruit and Phra Phloeng later that afternoon went to a large temple in the heart of the city near the chedi which was used to
store Kannika’s ashes.
The old man was the first to make an offering. Pruit knelt with his hands clasped, as if he had a lot to convey to the owner of the name on the plaque attached to the pagoda. He did that for a long time, before turning towards Phloeng, then nodded and told her to sit beside him.
“ PhraPhloeng, want to talk to grandma. The young man knelt down and
clasped his hands together like an older person would. Without hesitation, he didn’t know what he would communicate
next. Could this incident really be sent by his own ancestors in another world? But the young man had no choice. He would rather do anything than sit and wait for his lover without effort
“Grandma…” A call sounded in his mind before the next sentence only conveyed his desperate plea. PhraPhloeng Sittikornkal’s thick shoulders softened. The person who had never been afraid of anything, this time looked like a weak ordinary human.
“ Phloeng begged, Phloeng agreed to everything…Grandma, can you return Nong to Phloeng? Just this once….” PhraPhloeng
releases a symbol of weakness. Everything overflowed in his eyes. He couldn’t think of anything else because his heart was scared.
So scared that it couldn’t be put into words for anyone to understand.
The young man was afraid that what he had done would be in vain. Just imagining that Saengrawee would not return to him, the heartbeat in his left chest suddenly throbbed, as if it was ready to stop in the next few seconds.
The feeling of waiting was so painful and long… PhraPhloeng could only close his eyes, hiding his weakness even though he was exhausted. He hopes from the bottom of his heart that his grandmother who lives in a different world will listen and allow Saengrawee to return…
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Entering the third night from the day of the incident…Pruit and PhraPhloeng knew that Saengrawee would be brought back to stay at Sittikornkanal Mansion. The young man’s sharp eyes darkened when he saw the small sleeping body still on the bed
A thick palm rose to smooth the skinny person’s hair. PhraPhloeng stared blankly at the person on the bed. There was silence for a moment before he invited other people to talk casually as usual
“ Is Rawee stuffy? Does Rawee want Phi to open the window?” he asked. He continued talking even though he didn’t get a reply. PhraPhloeng got
up to unlock and pushed the window open so the air could circulate.
“Phi better clean you up,” said the person who had the status of his fiancé before turning to the things that had been prepared. The young man took a clean cloth and began to wet it. He squeezed it before returning to the sleeping person, his thick palms trembling slightly as he cleaned the delicate body of the person on the bed.
It’s been three days…three days and three nights. Saengrawee hasn’t shown any signs of waking up.
The fear that PhraPhloeng tries to stem is like a well.
He kept the water there until it overflowed. The young man’s expression was not good.
His patience was running out.
The tall figure was breathing again, trying to regain consciousness and focus on caring for the person in front of him as before. PhraPhloeng
lifted the blanket and moved to stand by the other party’s feet to
wipe the little guy’s lower body clean. But something he had never seen before caused the young man to freeze.
Does Saengrawee have a red birthmark on his leg? The heartbeat in his left chest was pounding fast. PhraPhloeng was moved to
consider the body of the person he loved. There was a part he never realized. The more often he saw it, the more it reminded him of stories from decades ago…
“Don’t… don’t look”
“No need to be embarrassed, it’s beautiful”
“Right… Really?”
“Really, your birthmark is like…like this flower petal”
“…..”
“Beautiful as a flower” The past conversation between PhraPhloeng and a strange boy came back to mind. It was blurry at first before gradually
becoming clearer. A thick palm reached out to caress the young man’s red birthmark. There was a wound on his side as if it had been stabbed by a sharp object, leaving a faint scar.
“After this, if you get hurt or someone bullies you, don’t keep crying, don’t let anyone bully you again. If anyone
tries to tease you, fight back. Did Nong understand what Phi said
?”
“Oh. I understand”
“Very good. Phi has to go”
“Wait… I gave this to Phi”
“Nong gave this to me?…thank you. Promise me that Nong won’t let anyone bother you again”
“Umm… promise”
Saengrawee and the child. owner of a small necklace with a
sun-patterned pendant. Is that the same person? PhraPhloeng’s throat felt
dry. He collected various subsequent events. The young man’s brain quickly thought back to the events of several months ago. the day
he received words of forgiveness from someone
“Well…this necklace really is yours, right? When did you get it?”
“That thing is in my room. Who do you think it belongs to? Just because I let you stay in my room doesn’t mean I will allow you to touch things in this room as you please!”
“…”
“You have no rights. Have you forgotten that we are not actually fiancés?”
“Sorry I’m sorry.”
PhraPhloeng’s strength seemed to have been completely drained. The tall and large body looked at the other party from head to toe. If you remember everything, then things become clear. Because of that, right, since that day Saengrawee was able to give in to him? Because he knows, right? Because he remembers it…
PhraPhloeng’s strength, which was like a tall fortress, on par with the previous mountains, was now just a weakened earthen wall. The tears he had been trying to hold back for so long fell and hit the sleeping person’s toes.
PhraPhloeng gasped when a cold breeze blew through the window bringing with it the scent of bat flowers. PhraPhloeng Sittikornkanal’s sobs could no longer be heard, there were only tears streaming down his cheeks. However, the owner of that handsome face has no intention of erasing it.
“Sorry…again…Rawee. P’Phloeng apologizes.” The young man regretted not knowing him sooner. He wanted to apologize because he had repeatedly done bad things to Nong. It was purely his own fault, not the other party’s fault… because he was careless and thought… There is always tomorrow, so he can fix it anytime
“Khondi (My darling)… come back to Phi. Please return Nong to me…” The owner of the soft and deep voice muttered in a low voice and seemed dazed. PhraPhloeng didn’t know who he was begging to at this time? Maybe it was fate or something sacred that inspired the two to meet again
If that’s the case, PhraPhloeng hopes he gets another chance. The young man asked for moonlight, starlight, wind patterns, or anything that could bring him and Saengrawee back to each other
…
Please…help guide Saengrawee back soon…don’t let him get lost somewhere else…
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TB