Daon's Crossroads - Episode 147

Episode 147

“I am a person who is infinitely inadequate to be by your side, so I thought that I would be okay with being treated no matter what, as long as I could meet you again and be by your side. I’ve always told myself that even if you get tired of me later and leave me, if you really want to, I’ll let you go whenever you want. so… … .”

Tears poured out of Yudaon’s eyes without stopping. Just like me, who tried to wipe away the tears that were falling with the back of my hand in case I missed even a trace of him, Yu Da-on also continued to wipe away tears and did his best to continue speaking clearly, one by one.

However, it didn’t work out.

“… Ugh, so this time I tried to get away from you. “Because I really don’t want you to be unhappy because of me again.”

If you can be rational in the face of love, it will no longer be love.

“If I hadn’t shown up in front of you, you wouldn’t have had to go through that, but I, I ruined everything… … .”

Judaon says:

He said he was afraid that he would ruin me again, so he had no choice but to run away, erase his traces and disappear from my presence. Even if he hadn’t appeared in front of me, I wouldn’t have been unhappy in the first place.

“Because of me, you were hurt so badly. I’m hurt. I, ugh, my heart hurts so much just thinking about that. I feel like I’m going to die from pain… … .”

So did I. Just as you said, it was heartbreaking for her to see me hurt and hurt, and so was I. I was like you too.

“It’s a crossroads.”

Even though I want to scream into the air, when I see Yu Da-on softly calling my name with red, bloodshot eyes just like mine, I just want to put everything aside and run to him.

“love you… … .”

I want to run and cry while holding this innocent, foolish person in my arms.

“I love you so much. So, that was the most important thing for me… … .”

I wanted to give it a pat.

My shoulders and my back, who must have endured everything alone for eight long years that I don’t even remember.

“I didn’t want you to get hurt. It’s okay if you don’t remember me for the rest of your life, it’s okay if you forget, so I wanted you to be happy forever without getting hurt. Really, that’s all I wanted. Really… … .”

At the part where he said he only wanted my happiness, he burst into tears like a child. She buried her head in his arms and cried, as if she were a little child who had lost her mother’s hand.

“Trust me, please. huh? “I don’t lie.”

Stupid Yudaon.

You said that you only wanted my happiness without a single lie. Why am I so anxious to prove this when I am dead and will never have any doubts? Even at moments like this, I burst into empty laughter at the absurd behavior of this guy, but then tears came out.

“How can I lie to you?”

Sadness, regret, and other similar emotions were buried in his gaze as he sat down and looked up at me, asking how I could lie. No, it’s too much to ask. I want to run to me right away, but my feet won’t let go, so I can’t do anything and just look into the distance with sad eyes.

“… I really am. I just wanted you to be happy… … .”

I have no idea how to convey this. The issues related to Judaon have always been like an insoluble problem to me, whether eight years ago or now. There wasn’t a single thing I could be sure about, such as where to start and how to start, or whether it would be resolved if I touched it right away. Really, not a single thing.

“under… … .”

“… ?”

But, what is it? In the first place, if I had treated Yudaon only as a formula or problem that was difficult to solve, our relationship would not have come this far.

Judaon was love. Just as I was love itself to him, he was also love to me.

“It’s ridiculous, really… .”

At some point I realized:

Love is not a problem that has an answer, so you shouldn’t try to find an answer from the beginning. However, you just have to be as honest as possible.

“Hey, Yudaon.”

People always become shy in front of their emotions, sometimes they take care of their own pride, and then they make up lies because they don’t want to show their emotions.

That’s why we always make mistakes, stumble, and stumble when it comes to people.

“Yes, I couldn’t handle what I had done, so I made a choice I shouldn’t have made and suffered for quite a long time because of it. “I lived until now without knowing why, without even being able to resolve the most basic question of why I made that choice.”

But, is there really nothing we can gain from that process?

“But anyway, it’s my choice. My own choice. In a way, it is my responsibility to handle it, and I am the one who has to be the sinner in this matter.”

To dig a little deeper, is there a relationship in the world that is completed without even going through the series of processes as just explained?

“Sorry.”

There is definitely destiny in the world. There were times when I, too, thought that the relationship between Yudaon and I was fate.

“Because I don’t remember you, so I cowardly ran away.”

However, what good is fateful love if you don’t go through this series of processes?

“I forgot everything and hurt you again… … .”

We are clumsy. Ever since we were born, since we cried and took our first breath into this world, we have always been clumsy, immature, and imperfect.

Because I have never lived in this world. All people in this world have different circumstances and environments, but there is only one thing. The fact that this was my first life was the same for everyone, regardless of gender, nationality, or age.

“But I have no intention of giving up on you. “There was none.”

So, we have no choice but to be clumsy.

“It’s overly romantic for something to come out of the mouth of the bastard who ruined your life, and I can’t help it even if people criticize me for living in a dream, but no matter what happens in the future, I will ultimately choose to be with you. because… … .”

And, we finally come to love each other by embracing each other’s awkward parts.

“I want to be honest with myself.”

The reason I loved Yudaon was not because he was perfect. It’s not because I got along well with him from the beginning, or because he’s really my taste, or because we’ve lived in similar environments, or because we have many points of contact.

“I’m sorry, but I’m not saying I’ll be there for you. As you know, I am a human born like this, so I cannot do anything I don’t like, even if I wake up or be reborn.”

Just because the person standing in front of me is Yu Daon.

“So, I plan to be selfish on your behalf.”

In a way, it is an excuse to say that I am a person who is always more considerate of others than myself, that I am a person who values ​​my body more than my own, and that I value my life more than my own life.

“Because you are a good person, it is a choice you cannot make even if you die or wake up.”

We deceive ourselves and deceive others in order to come up with a valid reason to love the being in front of us.

“We became unhappy because we were looking out for each other.”

But, let’s look at it a little differently. In other words, isn’t it because you want to love the being in front of you, even if you force yourself to make such an excuse?

“We didn’t want each other to get hurt, and we even went to extremes because we couldn’t bear the fact that we hurt the other person. “We tried to keep it a secret until the moment we left because we were afraid that if we accidentally revealed our lost memories, it would make us recall unnecessary memories, but even so, we stood in front of each other looking for the memories we had lost so long ago.”

If my soul, my everything, wants this person for no reason, even this feeling will feel like an illusion without substance.

For stronger confidence.

“Then on the other hand, if we do it for our own happiness rather than for each other’s happiness, wouldn’t we be able to be happy?”

When I spoke in a low voice from crying so much, Yudaon’s already large eyes opened even wider. Without taking my eyes off Yudaon for even a moment, I approached the guy who was sitting awkwardly on the floor, slowly but with more confidence than ever. Walking up, he got down on his knees and made eye contact with the guy.

“This is it, my sincerity.”

What can I say, the guy’s face when I saw it up close was much uglier than when I saw it from afar. It was nothing compared to my face, which was messed up from a punch, but compared to how shiny it normally was, it was a little better.

“Okay then, I’ll ask this time.”

My nose was running, tears were flowing, and even blood was flowing from my lower lip because I bit my lip so much while crying.

“If you act foolishly and withdraw your footing this time, you will be left behind. “You know I’m quick-witted.”

Where is that? It’s like he’s nodding his head towards me as I approach him with a “heh” expression on his face. Really, if I could, I wanted to take dozens of photos and keep them. Even during this time, I thought that it would be too much of a waste to see this face and call it the end.