Sweet Spell - Sweet Spell-Episode 78

Episode 78

Chapter 7. Regret

The cafe near the hospital was crowded with people. Occasionally, I saw people dressed in patient uniforms mixing together, and it seemed like it was a place where people who came to visit the hospital gathered and chatted. Yeorim ordered two glasses of Americano. She received the vibrating bell and went to Hayoung, who was sitting in the corner seat by the window. She smiled faintly when she saw Yeo-rim sitting in front of Ha-young, who was looking out the window.

“You’ve lost a lot of weight.”

“is it? “I don’t know.”

“Isn’t it because you went through a lot of trouble?”

Yeo-rim smiled slightly at Ha-young’s concern, which was not her worry. Thank you for your hard work. In fact, she is not finished even now. The eyes on her are still the same, Mrs. Kang is unable to come to her senses, and the remnants of her unorganized emotions show no signs of disappearing. But all of this was her own matter. She shows things that should not be shown to Ha-young, things that Ha-young should never pay attention to.

“No, it’s because I haven’t been eating well these days.”

Ha-young narrowed her eyes at Yeo-rim’s excuse, but soon said she understood and did not continue the conversation. Hayoung turned her gaze out the window, and Yeorim turned the vibrating bell she was holding in her hand around meaninglessly. What broke the silence that filled the space between the two for a moment was a loud vibration. Yeo-rim stood up from her seat, holding tightly to the vibrating bell that was ringing and the light was flashing.

“Oh, I… … .”

“no. “I’ll go and come back.”

Hearing Yeo-rim’s words, Ha-yeong sat down again. Even as she walked to the counter with the vibrating bell ringing loudly, Yeo-rim organized in her head what she had to say to Ha-young. After returning to her seat, Yeo-rim placed her mug in front of Ha-young first, and then placed her remaining mug in front of me. Even as she watched the black Americano steaming up, her thoughts continued.

The sound of people’s conversations seemed to be getting far away, perhaps because I was deep in my thoughts. Yeorim organized, overturned, and organized her thoughts one by one. Ha-young looked at Yeo-rim silently, and then she put down the mug she was holding and spoke.

“Yeorim, do you have something to say to me?”

Hayoung’s unexpected question made Yeorim almost spit out the Americano she was drinking. Ha-yeong laughed out loud when she saw Yeo-rim snoring while her saree was caught.

“I think this is the first time I’ve seen Yeorim so embarrassed.”

“What you just did was embarrassing.”

“But to pretend not to know, Yeo-rim looked at me as if I had something to say.”

Yeo-rim thought, wiping the Americano that had flowed down her chin. Hayoung laughed for a long time like a child who found something funny, and Yeorim was able to laugh a little along with her. She was in a relaxed mood, and she relaxed her stiff back against her chair. Yeorim and Hayoung exchanged meaningless stories. Stories that could be said on a daily basis, such as how the weather got colder or how warm it is still, went on for quite some time.

“How have you been?”

“I’ve been quite busy researching and preparing for this and that.”

Hayoung answered while sipping Americano in a mug. She heard in advance that Ha-young was leaving the country in a week, but Yeo-rim did not say that. Seeing that Hayoung didn’t bother to say anything, it seemed like she didn’t want to continue the conversation beyond this topic. Even though the atmosphere was relaxed, it did not mean that her heart was completely relaxed. She said that she and Hayoung were not in a relationship to discuss future plans at least.

In the silence that followed again, the two of them had already finished drinking the Americano that had been filled in their mugs. While they were fiddling with their empty cups with black coffee residue left on them and looking at each other, it was Hayoung who broke the silence first. Hayoung stretched out her arms and spoke in an excited voice.

“Now I really don’t think I’ll ever see you again.”

“… … I know.”

“I feel really relieved.”

Contrary to what he said, a small emotion appeared on Hayoung’s face. With her smiling but not completely smiling face, Hayoung held her empty mug with both hands again. Her fingertips holding her white mug were shaking slightly. Ha-young let out a long breath and tried to change her expression, but it didn’t seem to be easy for her.

Hayoung wasn’t looking at Yeorim, but Yeorim saw Hayoung. I have something to say. It’s not like everything will be okay with these words, but they were words she couldn’t say properly when she saw Ha-young’s face. She was soft, she thought, and she thought again, and she opened her closed lips to say those words. Unable to control her voice, Yeo-rim spoke with all her sincerity to Ha-yeong in a rough voice.

“Hayoung… … Sorry.”

“… … .”

“I don’t think I said this properly.”

Hearing Yeo-rim’s words, Ha-young slowly turned her gaze that had been cast into the distance. Facing her eyes, Hayoung smiled. No, she was barely suppressing her sadness and she was forcing herself to smile.

“It’s not very helpful.”

“I know.”

“I have no intention of accepting it.”

“are you okay. “It’s your heart.”

Although it was Yeo-rim who had to be hurt by the harsh words, it was Ha-yeong who looked more hurt. I’m sorry, Yeo-rim said again. Even after hearing those words, Hayoung made no reply. She just turned her head away, as if she didn’t want to hear any more.

It was obvious even without looking that the gossip that was bothering Yeo-rim would be bothering Ha-young even more. As it stands now, without telling anyone the truth, Hayoung was the one who broke the news on the day of her wedding. One of the reasons she wanted to organize everything and make a fresh start in a place where no one was around was because of people’s gaze… … Yeorim had a vague guess.

“Aren’t you curious, Yeorim?”

Yeo-rim tilted her head at Ha-young’s sudden question. Seeing Yeo-rim not understanding the intent of her question at all, Ha-young let go of the mug she was holding. Hayoung gently tilted her upper body forward and spoke in a low voice.

“Joohan, where are you?”

“!!”

Yeo-rim’s eyes widened at Ha-young’s words. At the sound of his name, my heart already started pounding. There was no way I wouldn’t wonder where he was. Her emotions were already welling up and she began to kiss her lips uncontrollably. She wanted to raise her voice right now and ask where he was. But she desperately endured Yeo-rim. She bit her lip and suppressed the feelings that had been rising uncontrollably.

One day, when I was really drunk, I called him because I missed him so much. Even if I wanted to visit him in person, I knew I couldn’t, so I cowardly called him, saying it was a mistake and wanting to hear his voice. But his number had disappeared.

Her small hopes were crushed miserably, but Yeo-rim, overcome with emotion, dialed the number that did not exist over and over again. He might get it, even though I know it’s not possible… … There were many times when he cried himself to sleep while holding his cell phone all night long, unable to let go of his regrets.

After that, I stopped drinking alcohol, which I liked so much. I was scared that I would make another mistake, or that I would really go looking for him this time. He knows rationally that he shouldn’t, but his emotions always run wild. Because I don’t hesitate to do what I really want from deep in my heart, I had to stay away from anything that arouses my emotions. He had no choice but to endure it again and again, and wait for it to get better over time. Whether it was months or years, there was nothing else that could be done.

“are you okay.”

“… … .”

“Really, it’s okay so you don’t have to tell me.”

My voice was shaking terribly. No, the face that I thought I had worked hard to get together was distorted and messed up. Yeorim clenched her shaking fists tightly. Her suppressed heart continued to run wild inside her. So Yeorim lowered her head and focused on her toes. She couldn’t see Hayoung now. When she saw Hayoung now, she felt like she was going to spit out the words she had been struggling to swallow. Where is he, she seemed to ask.

“I don’t know either.”

“… … huh?”

“I don’t even know where Joohan went.”

At Hayoung’s words, Yeorim raised her head from her lowered position. Hayoung’s voice was calm, but the emotions clearly revealed on her face were not. The moment I saw Hayoung’s face with a mixture of resentment, betrayal, and regret, I suddenly remembered what he said. What he said was that he would leave for a place where there was no Yeorim or Hayoung. Really, he left without even telling Hayoung. You’re so gone that I can’t even find you.

I felt like I was buried deep in the ground. That feeling of being like an empty shell where all your wild emotions calm down in an instant and there’s nothing left. Yeorim opened her clenched fist. She raised her weak hands and barely covered her face. Blinking through her blackened vision, Yeorim let out a long breath. I feel frustrated.

“I hated that face.”

Yeo-rim held her breath at Ha-young’s barbed words. The moment she lowered her hand that covered her face, I saw her face revealing the emotions she had been suppressing. Yeorim couldn’t say anything. The corners of Hayoung’s eyes turned red. She looked as if she would burst into tears at any moment. But she, Hayoung, did not cry. After quickly cooling down her rising emotions, Hayoung returned to her calm face and spoke in a low voice.

“Well, what do you want in the end? “It’s already over.”

“Hayoung… … .”

“If you don’t have anything to say, I’ll get up first.”

As soon as he finished speaking, Hayoung stood up. Yeo-rim raised her head and looked at Ha-young at her raised eye level. Ha-young turned her gaze elsewhere and did not look at Yeo-rim. Yeo-rim quickly stood up, barely holding Ha-yeong’s hand as she was about to pass her by with a brief greeting. The sound of the chair falling back was loud. The attention that had been focused on the two for a moment quickly dispersed again.

Yeorim looked at Hayoung’s hand that she was holding. She then looked at Hayoung’s back, who was still turning her back on me. Even when Hayoung said coldly, “Let go,” Yeorim didn’t let go of her hand. After swallowing her dry saliva, Yeorim spoke with difficulty in a cracked voice.

“I know I’m not qualified to say this, but… … “Hayoung, I want you to be happy.”

“… … .”

“Really, I want you to be happy.”

Hayoung slowly turned around at Yeorim’s words. Hayoung’s eyes shook greatly. Yeorim smiled slightly. Yeo-rim sincerely hoped that Ha-young would be much happier than the hardship and pain she had been in so far. I don’t know how powerful his own wishes will be, but this was the only thing he could do. He pondered and pondered whether even these words were something he could say.

Hayoung pursed her lips as if she had something she wanted to say, but ended up saying nothing. The dark feeling in her mind that had appeared for a moment disappeared in an instant. Ha-young held Yeo-rim’s hand for a moment, but then she pushed it away. She said and she smiled brightly.

“Even if Yeorim doesn’t say that, I’ll be happy.”

Epilogue.

Although the news had been talking about it being the coldest day of the year this morning, the day was mild, perhaps because of the snow falling from the sky. Yeo-rim, who had been raising her gaze to follow the thin line of smoke coming out of the cigarette in her mouth, stretched out her hand towards the snowflake softly falling towards her. Unable to overcome the heat of her palm, her snowflake melted and disappeared, leaving only cold water droplets on her palm.

Yeorim straightened her body, which was leaning against the car. She relaxed her fingers from holding her cigarette shortened near the filter, and the red flame of her burning crashed to her floor. She was delicate and habitually kept her eyes on the dark streets where the streetlights were off and nothing could be seen. She quietly looked into the alley where no one would come out, waiting for someone who would not come.

A lot of time has passed. A year had passed, and now it was almost three years. Time flows regardless of one’s will, and as I live in the flow, the remaining emotional residue, longing, regrets, and such are gradually washed away, leaving only small forms.

The rumors that had been bothering her disappeared, the news about Ha-young, who had gone far away, gradually became more distant, and Mrs. Kang, who had been unable to come to her senses, came to her senses again. It was the same with Yeorim. Even though I drank alcohol, which I had been told to avoid, I couldn’t stay awake and visited him less and less, and I had several sexual partners to satisfy my sexual desires. I was still living as if nothing really happened.

Still, from time to time, Yeorim came to the vacant lot where she was waiting for him. The howling of a wild cat in heat, the thick stench emanating from the sewer, and the black darkness that makes it impossible to know what lies beyond. This lifeless place, as if it were a space abandoned by the world, is still full of dirty scenery that we cannot get used to. Even without him, this place was still the same.

As I stood smoking a cigarette in a place that did not suit me, the longing I had forgotten would come flooding back. Even though I knew it was useless, I kept watching the alley he came from. Like a string that she couldn’t let go of even though she knew that the feeling would disappear if she turned around, Yeorim came here habitually.

“ah… … .”

I guess I just had my last cigarette. Yeorim crumpled the empty case and put it back in her pocket, then patted the snowflakes on her head. Water droplets melted by body heat splashed in all directions. The thin snowflakes gradually became thicker and turned into thick snow. The road seems to be very slippery. Yeo-rim let out a short sigh as she looked at the narrow alleyway that had already turned white.

The dark alleys were covered with white snow. Yeo-rim thought that the way it sparkled under the streetlights wasn’t so bad. Even though she was nothing more than trash falling from the sky as she had to drive down the road, she wanted to wallow in cold sentimentality right now. For some reason, I wanted to do that today.

I walked away from the car and towards the end of the clearing. Leaning on the railing that barely blocked the cliff, I slowly looked around the neighborhood I hadn’t even tried to see properly. Along with the occasional cry of a cat in heat, I could also hear the sounds of dogs barking. Perhaps because of the snow that had lightly fallen on the tangled electric wires, the seemingly chaotic electric poles looked like one giant Christmas tree.

After wiping away the snow that had accumulated on the railing with my hand, I leaned against it and stood there. Yeorim let out a long breath. Her white breath, like the smoke from her cigarette, stretched towards the sky. Her snowflakes were getting bigger and bigger, and the snow piling up on her path was getting thicker. She had better go down quickly, but her steps didn’t move easily. She was white. It wasn’t that she was sentimental after seeing the world that had changed, but strangely, she didn’t want to leave this place.

Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine that. As I was smoking a cigarette, he would come out of that dark alley, and he would scold me for smoking with a crooked expression… … Imagine that. It was a vain imagination that only brought out self-mocking laughter, but Yeorim thought that was good enough.

Even though the longing has faded, it does not mean that the desire to see has completely disappeared. A part of me still had a lingering desire to see him again. Although I tried to bury it in the passing time, it was a feeling that would not easily disappear.

It’s really serious. It wasn’t easy even though he knew that Sunaebo wasn’t for him. It’s a useless regret. Laughing at herself, Yeorim straightened her body, which had been leaning against the railing. She raised her head towards the snowy sky and closed her eyes.

Suddenly, I heard the sound of footsteps stepping on the snow. It was the sound of compacted snow being pressed down and footprints being left behind. Did someone come out? Yeorim thought with her eyes still closed. No matter how dead and quiet a place was, it was still a place where people lived. In the long time he waited here, he never saw anyone come out, but it was possible that someone came out of the alley to clear the snow that was falling from the sky.

The sound of footsteps on the snow got closer and closer. The sound of footsteps echoing through the quiet alley was somehow familiar, but Yeorim did her best to ignore it. When small expectations were shattered miserably, it was you who suffered. The sound of footsteps is all there. Yeorim stopped her thoughts and straightened her head that had been raised towards the sky. Meanwhile, she brushed the watery eyes off her face. In just a moment she saw more snow piled up on her and she sighed.

Jiing, Yeo-rim put her hand in her pocket as she heard the vibrating sound of her cell phone. Looking at the message on the screen, it was a heavy snow warning. Oh, it’s an early alarm. As Yeorim put her phone back in her pocket, she thought, “Today was a long drive down.” She should not have wasted time getting sentimental, she said with a small regret, irritably brushing the snow off her coat.

“Can you lend me a light?”

Yeo-rim gasped at the sudden sound of a man’s voice coming from behind her. From the sound of footsteps, all the thoughts I thought were shattered, and my heart started pounding. There was no way I couldn’t understand the voice ringing in my ears. It was a voice I could not forget no matter how much time passed. But Yeo-rim tried to think rationally, thinking that she might have been mistaken because of the sudden longing she felt. Even though it was a simple matter that required her to immediately turn around and check, she did not move her body easily.

“Are you quitting smoking?”

Yeo-rim quickly turned around at the sound of his laughing voice. And then I made eye contact with the person standing behind me. I tried to calm my trembling eyes, but even my breathing became difficult and my whole body trembled. It wasn’t an illusion. He had changed a little, but it was definitely him. After some time, the boy’s appearance disappeared and he became a man, standing in front of Yeo-rim. Yeorim kissed her lips. He tried to call the name he wanted to call, but his voice kept coming out poorly.

Yeo-rim suddenly grabbed his collar, wondering if it was a mirage or if the cold had caused his eyes to turn back. I was scared that her hand might just be waving in the air, but fortunately she was caught. Ah, my vision was greatly shaken. Without even being able to wipe away the tears streaming down her cheeks, Yeorim was finally able to call his name with difficulty.

“Juhan… … .”

He smiled softly at Yeorim’s call. And he pushed away Yeorim’s hand that was holding his own collar. Yeorim’s face was distorted miserably. He couldn’t even chase after the person who was one step away from him. He distanced himself from Yeorim and made no reply. Joohan, I called him again, but he didn’t answer. As if it wasn’t my name.

“You’re Joohan, right?”

“… … .”

“It’s you, Joohan!!!”

Yeorim shouted. There was no way she wouldn’t recognize his face. There was no way she couldn’t understand his voice. However, he pretended not to be like that and turned his head to look away from Yeo-rim. She stumbled and walked towards him. And the moment she grabbed his shoulder, Yeo-rim collapsed. Sitting down on the floor, Yeorim grabbed his collar and called his name.

“Joohan, I missed you.”

“… … .”

“I missed you so much.”

He just sat down and watched Yeorim crying without saying a word. The snow that had accumulated on the cold floor melted and wetted her pants, but Yeo-rim could not get up. I kept repeating that I missed him, and I only held on to his collar more tightly because I was afraid that he might disappear.

All the emotions that I thought had been buried in time exploded in an instant. I thought I had forgotten, but it was all a mistake. How could I be calm when it hurts like this, and it still hurts like this? How was he pretending to be calm? Even though Yeorim was breathing heavily, she didn’t stop calling his name. Joohan, Joohan, I called his name for as long as I had endured it until now.

After a while, he grabbed Yeorim’s hand, who was holding his clothes. Yeorim raised her head as his warm hand covered her cold hand. He bent down on her knees and brought her delicate body to eye level with hers. Yeo-rim barely had to swallow her tears that were about to burst out again as she met her dark eyes.

“Has it been three years?”

“… … .”

“Time flies, doesn’t it?”

Yeorim nodded at his words. He slowly let go of the hand he was holding. Yeo-rim’s hands trembled as her body temperature receded. I wasn’t the only one who had feelings that didn’t go away no matter how much time passed. The same would be true for him and Ha-young, whom the news was distant from. So he couldn’t be even more selfish. Even if she wanted to reach out and hold him right now and kiss him, Yeorim couldn’t. He was right in front of her, and even if he turned his back and walked away, Yeorim couldn’t catch him.

“I’ve lived quite well, but how did you live?”

“I am… … .”

“I think I’ll get a little angry if I tell you that I’ve had a good life, so I don’t want to listen.”

He cut Yeo-rim off and smiled slightly. I tried to forget him, caught up in the passing time, and tried to ease my guilt. Yeo-rim pursed her lips, thinking that all of this meant that he had lived a good life. But he seemed to notice the words in Yeorim’s silence. He sighed deeply.

“There’s a lot I want to say, but for now, I’ll start with this.”

“What… … .”

He spread his arms wide. Yeorim swallowed his words. If I wasn’t mistaken, it seemed like he was really saying that, as if he was giving me permission to run up to him and hug him. It couldn’t be like that, and even though he couldn’t possibly be like that to me, my expectations kept building up. Yeorim stretched out his hand, and then he lowered it again. I was scared that I might misinterpret his meaning and get excited on my own.

He smiled and said as he looked at Yeorim who hesitated. What are you doing? Come quickly. Yeo-rim, who threw away her hesitation at those words, approached him. She took her breath away in his arms, and she hugged him like she would never let go again. Joohan, Joohan, he said, stroking Yeorim’s head as she called my name.

“It’s been a while, Yeorim hyung.”

<End>