Sweet Spell - Sweet Spell-Episode 80 (complete story)

Behind Chapter 2. Miss you

How many seasons have changed since the day I left everything behind? After facing countless springs, summers, autumns, and winters, Joo-han, who was 20 years old, has now turned 23. It’s hard to call it an adult, but it’s one step closer to being an adult than being 20. However, even if I thought about it, I was still living a life that was very far from being an adult.

One day, when I was trying to ignore the emptiness in my heart, a letter arrived. A white envelope, without the sender’s name, was stuffed inside an old mailbox. After returning from work, Joo-han found a white envelope stuck in the mailbox. I looked around the envelope wondering why it was here and if it might have been sent to the wrong person, but there was nothing written on it.

Could it be something like an advertisement? Joohan put his guard up and slowly opened the sealed envelope. I opened the tightly glued opening and took out the card inside. The palm-sized card was a bright pastel pink. Joohan’s eyes widened at the word <Wedding> written on the front of the card with a small, pretty flower drawn on it.

Wedding

20XX. XX. XX

Joohyung Choi ♡ Hayoung Seong

We invite you to our wedding.

Please attend and make the event a success.

It’s already been three years since I ran away to a place without my sister or Yeo-rim. I cut off all contact and only went to places where no one knew me, so how did Hayoung find out where I was and send me a wedding invitation? Joohan looked around. However, this is a rural area with only large fields. It was also a place where strangers inevitably knew when they came. But I never heard any news of a stranger coming anywhere.

Joohan slowly read the wedding invitation he was holding again. Three years is enough time to overcome the pain and start another love. Wouldn’t Hayoung be like that too? She has met someone she truly loves and wants to live with, to the point where she forgets the hurt she received from Yeo-rim and the hurt she received from Joo-han. “I’m so glad,” Joohan murmured in a sincere voice.

It was definitely Hayoung who sent this wedding invitation. I have no idea what route it was sent through, but Hayoung was hoping that Joohan would come to her wedding. But how do we get there? Joo-han didn’t want to ruin Ha-young’s happiest day. He says he is not worthy of going to Ha-young’s wedding.

I think about it dozens of times a day. What would have happened if I hadn’t followed Ha-yeong that day, if I hadn’t seen Kang Yeo-rim? Even if she had already sorted out her feelings for Kang Yeo-rim beforehand, if she had not been conceited that she could hide it, if she had pushed Kang Yeo-rim away more harshly, she would not have made such a big deal out of Ha-yeong. I don’t think it would have hurt you. I don’t think I would have caused such a huge sense of betrayal to my only sister.

The feeling that started without me even noticing it gradually grew in size. Even though I changed my face to disgust and tried to pretend that it was the truth, one day the feeling I faced fully grew so big that I couldn’t ignore it and swallowed me up.

Even though I knew I couldn’t stop, I didn’t apply the brakes even though I knew how to stop. This is the result of ignoring reality and running like a blind person. It was he, not anyone else, who created the catastrophe in which no one could achieve happiness. Therefore, this is the price of sin. He who ruined everything is the punishment he deserves.

‘Later, after some time has passed… … ‘Can we see it?’

Three years have passed in regret. But I still can’t go back to Korea, anywhere.

***

“Why is your expression so serious?”

At Minwoo’s words, Joohan unconsciously straightened his narrowed eyebrows. He smiled awkwardly and said it was nothing, but he couldn’t beat Minwoo, who was quick-witted. While moving the pile of books, Minwoo snuggled up next to Joohan and persistently asked why. If it weren’t for the president, he would have been able to ignore him, but Joo-han, sighing, put down the book he was holding for a moment and looked at Min-woo and said.

“I’m just tired.”

“Joohan, it’s obvious that it’s all a lie.”

The words filled his throat with useless attention, but Joohan kept his mouth shut. Min-woo was the one who helped Joo-han, who was wandering in search of a place where neither Yeo-rim nor Ha-yeong were found. Although his salary was meagre, he was a grateful person who created a job for me at a small bookstore and found me a house. Although there were feelings in that favor that he did not want to know, Minwoo did not cross the line. He was just being his close older brother and younger brother.

“say it. “I heard you listen to everything?”

Minwoo said, tapping Joohan’s arm. Looking at his playful face, he couldn’t say anything harsh. Still, he couldn’t tell everything. Having to bring out all his hidden emotions, Joohan let out a long sigh, spread his sagging shoulders and smiled.

“Nothing really happened. “It’s because I slept late last night.”

A line was clearly drawn. It was an unspoken pressure not to ask any more questions. Minwoo’s smiling face stiffened slightly. And at the same time, a small worry came to mind. Joohan’s eyes never left, as if he was thinking that there was really something there.

“If I finish moving all the books, can I take a break?”

Joohan asked, picking up the book he had put down. Minwoo nodded his head instead of answering. Even while he was busy working, Minwoo’s worried gaze never left Joohan. To forget the uncomfortable atmosphere that made his stomach drop, Joohan deliberately moved the book faster.

After moving all the books that were piled up, I left the place, saying I would go smoke a cigarette for a while. Fortunately, Minwoo was not a smoker, so his smoking time was entirely to Joohan alone.

Joohan, leaning against the wall with a cigarette in his mouth, looked at the cloudless blue sky and exhaled a long puff of smoke. The white smoke rises for a long time, but at some point it completely blurs and disappears. The sight that repeats itself every time you exhale is just boring.

Joo-han, who was rubbing the shortened butt to extinguish it, suddenly looked at the cigarette pack he was holding in his hand. The amount of cigarettes smoked once or twice a day has now increased to one pack per day. I have to cut down on smoking in order to avoid hearing Minwoo nagging me, saying that my lungs will rot if I keep doing this, but it’s not easy.

Since when did you start smoking? When Hayoung collapsed and was despairing of being left alone in the world, Yeorim, who held out her hand to me, smoked the cigarette she had been smoking like an addict. She was also curious about what kind of cigarette Kang Yeo-rim likes.

“ah… … .”

Naturally, Kang Yeo-rim’s name came to mind. Like today, while smoking a cigarette, watching snow falling from the sky, or watching a passing car, Kang Yeo-rim fills Joo-han’s mind whenever he gets the chance. I hated it, and I loved it just as much. Unlike Joo-han, who was busy ignoring his emotions, Yeo-rim was a person who was honest about his feelings. Was that why she was more attracted to her? Yeo-rim came back no matter how much I pushed him away, and Yeo-rim was desperate to hold onto me in any way possible. Joo-han hated me, but I also liked him.

Still, I shouldn’t have made that choice. She shouldn’t have such feelings toward someone else, not even the person Hayoung loves. Joohan clutched his aching heart. Just thinking about Yeo-rim makes Ha-young feel guilty. She must not forget those feelings and keep them engraved in her heart. Otherwise, I will definitely miss Kang Yeo-rim.

‘Later, after some time has passed… … ‘Can we see it?’

You’ll want to go back again.

***

Hayoung’s wedding invitation was stored deep in a drawer. Because he didn’t want to suffer from the guilt that filled him every time he was seen, Joo-han chose to run away this time. However, once the date was imprinted in his mind, he could not easily forget it. As that time gets closer and closer, leisure disappears. It wasn’t even D-Day, but Joo-han was anxious.

“Joohan, come here.”

At Minwoo’s call, Joohan put down the books he was organizing and ran. Minwoo, who was a head shorter than me, raised his tiptoes and pointed to the top floor of the bookshelf. Joohan followed Minwoo’s fingertips and raised his head.

“That’s not the place.”

“Oh, I see.”

“You have to go down further. “If you put a bestseller like that, what will people think?”

“I’ll change it quickly.”

Joohan reached out his hand and took out a book from the top shelf of the bookshelf. I think Minwoo told me what to do when I was organizing the books, but he must have been distracted and made a mistake. He quickly put away his books and finished the rest of his work. He thought that if he moved his body frantically, his thoughts would decrease, but strangely, his mind became more and more complicated. I was already overloaded to the point where I couldn’t even handle smoking.

“Juhan.”

Minwoo calls me often today. A little irritation rose up in Joohan, but he held it back. I thought he had something to do, but Minwoo took out the chair I was sitting on and placed it in front of Joohan. Then he brought in a new chair and closed the store completely.

“It’s not closing time yet… … .”

“I’m the boss, so what?”

Minwoo shrugged his shoulders and said. Minwoo, who was sitting in front of Joohan, tapped the empty chair with his hand. It seemed like he meant to sit down, so Joohan calmly sat down on the chair that Minwoo had knocked on. The distance, so close that his knees touched, was burdensome, so I slowly walked away from him. Minwoo’s eyes shook slightly, but soon returned to normal.

“Joohan, I know you don’t like asking this question too many times… … . That’s because you’re not in a good condition these days. Isn’t something really going on? “It’s because a kid who never made mistakes keeps making mistakes, loses his mind all the time, and I can’t help but worry.”

Minwoo was speaking as carefully as possible, fearing that Joohan might not like it. He hid the invitation because he didn’t want to worry about it, and I thought he was doing well as usual. I guess it wasn’t the case after all. Joo Han raised his hand and washed his face dry. He sighed heavily and smiled slightly as he met Minwoo’s eyes full of worry.

“Does it look that bad?”

Minwoo nodded honestly. I thought he was a little older, but he’s still a kid. A brat who can’t hide even a single emotion and shows it on his face. How on earth do I grow? When will I become a complete adult? Growing much slower than others is painful.

“Actually, it’s not okay.”

Joohan’s voice shook dangerously. In fact, I’ve never been okay. From three years ago, from the moment he met Kang Yeo-rim, to when she was a child when her parents died in an accident and Ha-young had to take care of me alone, Joo-han has never been okay.

The despair I felt when everyone became unhappy because of me, the despair I felt when I followed Ha-yeong down there and saw Kang Yeo-rim for the first time and my heart sank, and the despair I felt when I ran after hearing that my parents had passed away. Joo-han’s insides were rotten and rotten, as everything was filled with despair. What on earth are you asking me to do? I wanted to argue if I could.

“Juhan… … .”

Min-woo, who held Joo-han’s hand as an excuse to comfort him, was unable to hide his flushed cheeks. The lines he drew become blurred. It’s a line he wishes he hadn’t crossed. No matter how much Minwoo developed feelings for him, there was nothing Joohan could give him in return. So he maintained his current relationship by deliberately pretending not to know or not to notice. He kept wanting to be this distant stranger.

Joohan quietly took Minwoo’s hand away. This time, Minwoo, unable to hide his shaking eyes, lowered his head. I was not a person who could not understand complete rejection. Joohan deliberately smiled brightly and spoke in an attempt to lighten the cold atmosphere.

“Minwoo hyung, don’t worry. “I can get through it on my own.”

“Juhan… … I am-“

“Thank you for your concern.”

Joohan cut off Minwoo’s words. Minwoo completely closed his soft lips at his resolutely cut head. Joo-han, who was looking at Min-woo’s sagging shoulders, stood up from his chair. He pushed his chair aside and reopened the store, which was not yet ready to close. As I opened the store door and went outside to smoke a cigarette, I made eye contact with a customer who was squatting next to the door.

“Juhan.”

A familiar voice called Joohan. He is a person whom you will not recognize even after time has passed. Because he was a person I could never forget, not even in my dreams.

“Juhan.”

The guest called Joohan once more. Joo-han was embarrassed and took a step back, tripping on the doorstep of the store and falling. The customer and Minwoo ran to Joohan, who fell down on his buttocks at the same time. Min-woo’s words asking if he is okay sound vague. Joo-han called out to the guest, who was looking at me with concern, in a trembling voice.

“… … sister.”

“Yes, Joohan.”

Hayoung answered.

***

I got Minwoo’s permission and left work early. Since it was a rural area without a cafe, there was no place to talk. So Joo-han had no choice but to go to the house where I live with Ha-young. Hayoung’s eyes widened when she saw the shabby, small, shabby rented room that filled up when one person lay down there. Joo-han hesitated and told me to come inside. Hayoung said “excuse me” and said hello towards the empty house and she went inside.

“Would you like something to drink? There is nothing but water… … .”

“no it’s okay. “I’m not thirsty.”

I regretted that I should have bought at least a small drink to entertain the guests. But how often will it be possible to welcome guests in a remote corner like this where strangers do not come? Joo Han realized again that today was a very unusual day.

We were so used to living in the same space, but now we couldn’t even face each other and just looked in different directions and endured the awkwardness. Joo-han saw Ha-young sitting in front of him. Three years passed, but Hayoung had nothing other than her longer hair. Really, nothing has changed.

“How are you feeling?”

“Nothing except aching bones when it rains.”

“okay? thank god.”

“How are you?”

“Whatever, I just stayed.”

An awkward conversation that is worse than others continues. One question, one answer. The conversation, which continued like a question and answer session, ended completely after the questions ran out. A heavy silence follows. I want to say something, but my mind is blank. Hayoung tapped the floor. When Joo-han raised her head and met her eyes, Ha-young smiled and asked.

“Did you receive the wedding invitation?”

“… … Yes, I got it.”

“I sent it, but I thought it wouldn’t come.”

Joo-han’s eyes shook greatly as he hit the nail on the head. As expected, Hayoung muttered softly. Joo-han tried to explain that he didn’t want to go for any bad reason. But when he pours out his words, his mind turns white again. Like an idiot, I can’t even say a word properly.

“That’s why I came.”

Hayoung said with a smile. Joohan was trying to say yes, but he couldn’t hold back the emotions that were surging out of him. I don’t want to cry, no, in fact, I wanted to cry since a while ago. From the moment he met Ha-young, from the moment he met the older sister he thought he would never see again, Joo-han wanted to cry out loud. But he couldn’t cry. Joohan didn’t even have the qualifications to do that.

“sister… … Sorry.”

Even after hearing Joo-han’s apology, Ha-young didn’t say anything. The silence weighing on his heart continued for a long time. Joohan lowered his head and bit his lip. Hayoung, who was looking at Joohan, turned her gaze to the only open window in the small room and let out a long sigh.

“I hated you so much.”

My heart drops when I hear that they hate me. Joohan raised his head and looked at Hayoung. The tears I was holding back are flowing down. Hayoung, who was looking at the window, came face to face with Joohan. Hayoung tried to hide her distress as she smiled. Joohan raised his arm and wiped away his tears. However, once the tears burst, they do not stop and continue to flow like rain.

“You and Yeo-rim, you both resent and hate each other. I think I lived like that for about a year. Actually, Joo-han hated you more than Yeo-rim. As much as I believed, the feeling of betrayal was so great that I couldn’t live without hating you. Joohan, I want you to be sick, I want you to be in pain, I want you to never be happy with Yeorim, and I hope for your misfortune every day.”

It was Hayoung’s sincerity that I heard in full for the first time. Her voice was calm, but Hayoung must have been in more pain than anyone else last time. She was betrayed by no one else but her own brother and the man she loved. Even though Ha-young knew everything, she gave Joo-han several chances to stop. However, Yeo-rim and Joo-han thoroughly deceived her.

If he could turn back the past, Joo-han wouldn’t have even glanced at Yeo-rim. I will erase Kang Yeo-rim’s existence from my life so that no feelings can even begin. But since there was no way to turn back time, Joo-han ran away. From Kang Yeo-rim and Ha-yeong. Joo-han cowardly chose to run away.

This is the price of sin. The sin of deceiving Ha-yeong, the sin of liking Kang Yeo-rim, the sin of not being able to stop even though he knew how to do so. Because of that crime, Joo-han lost his only older sister. And because of me, Hayoung lost her only younger brother. It was all my fault.

“Sister, I-”

“But not now.”

Joohan stopped talking. Hayoung’s calm face distorted as if she was about to cry. But Hayoung didn’t cry. Instead, she raised her hand and wiped Joohan’s cheek, which was wet with her tears. It was Hayoung’s gentle touch that I clearly remember. It was Hayoung’s hand, which she thought she would never be able to touch again.

“It’s okay now, Joohan. I’m really feeling better. “I’m happy now.”

“… … .”

“I came here because I wanted to say that. “I came to tell you that it’s okay and that I’m happy now.”

Hayoung’s words that she’s okay and that she’s happy make my heart flutter. Feeling that the moment she opened her mouth, the overwhelming emotions would pour out, Joohan deliberately bit his lip harder. Hayoung’s hand, which was wiping away her tears, moves away. But her body temperature is clear. She didn’t disappear, she stayed on Joohan’s cheek.

“So, Joohan. do whatever you want.”

“… … !!”

“Stop being sick and become happy too.”

Joo-han’s eyes shook greatly as he understood Ha-young’s words. Three years is enough time for the wounds to heal. Ha-yeong is about to meet her new lover and make a fresh start, and Yeo-rim, who cannot hear from her, is also doing well.

But Korea is still there. Since running away from everything, Joohan has been stuck in that time. He couldn’t even think about going back someday because of his guilt. There were times when he felt guilty about even smiling, thinking that he didn’t deserve to be happy. But Hayoung tells him to be happy now. At the words to stop hurting and be happy, the huge lump that was weighing down Joohan melts like snow in the sunlight.

My vision is filled with tears. Joohan raised his arm and rubbed the area around his eyes. Tears flow so much that my once dry sleeves become damp. He didn’t want to show it, but even his shoulders began to shake more and more.

“If you can come to the wedding, come… … “You don’t have to come if you’re having a hard time.”

At Hayoung’s words, Joohan nodded slowly. After lightly stroking Joo-han’s head, Ha-young said that she would just go and left the small, small rented room. Joo-han, who hastily wiped away his tears, got up and opened the door so that Ha-young could leave comfortably. She tried to act calm, but the corners of her eyes were already red and swollen, so she couldn’t help but be caught crying. Hayoung laughed. She asked why she cried, so Joo-han lied and said he had never cried. Even though Ha-young knew everything, she ignored Joo-han’s lies.

He tried to see Joo-han off, but Ha-yeong refused. When Joo-han said that it was dangerous because it was dark outside, Ha-young said in a bright voice that her boyfriend would be coming to pick her up soon. Even if she tried to follow, she couldn’t defeat the determined Hayoung. Joo-han, who was stamping his feet before he could even get out of the gate, said the words that lingered in his mouth before Ha-young completely disappeared from sight.

“sister!! congratulation for the wedding.”

Hayoung, who was walking away from the trembling celebration, stops. Then I slowly turned around and looked at Joohan. Hayoung, barely able to suppress the tears welling up in her eyes, smiled brightly and said.

“Thank you, Joohan.”

***

Even after Hayoung left, Joohan could not move easily. Even though he knew what Ha-young meant when he told him to do whatever he wanted, he did not easily gain courage. He spent a very long time forgetting about his longing. Three years is enough time for a person’s emotions to change. Emotions that were once thought to be love may become nothing, insignificant emotions, or insignificant emotions may become love.

Joo-han’s feelings for Yeo-rim were very complex. He had all kinds of emotions mixed up in such a mess that it was difficult to define what they were, and so he couldn’t control the wildly fluttering emotions. When he smokes, he naturally evokes softness, but when he drinks, it becomes white and empty.

If you ask me, do you still like Kang Yeo-rim? Joo-han cannot give an exact answer. But Joo-han missed Yeo-rim. He comes to mind every time I smoke a cigarette, and I would be lying if I said I forgot. Suddenly while walking down the street, suddenly while sleeping, suddenly even when taking a shower. Yeo-rim was someone who ‘suddenly’ came to mind for Joo-han.

Joo-han thought about it for days and days. I reaffirmed my feelings for Yeorim over and over again. So many moments pass by, like when I first saw Yeo-rim, when they didn’t get along well, when Ha-young became a support after the world disappeared. One day, a month passed by like that, and Joo-han started preparing to go back, as Ha-yeong said and as he wanted to do.

It was a day at the beginning of cold winter when I first met Yeorim after many seasons had passed.

***

Pure white snow is falling from the sky. Perhaps because the house was located at the highest point in the village, Joohan was able to see snow falling to the ground before anyone else. It’s already been a month since I returned to my original home. The house had not been maintained by anyone since Hayoung left, and there were many broken places here and there. As I was organizing them one by one, well over a month had passed.

Joohan stretched out his hand toward the snowflakes falling gently from the dark night sky. Unable to overcome the heat of his palm, the snowflake melts and disappears. Joo-han, who was looking at his palm where only cold water droplets remained, lightly shook his hand off and put a cigarette and lighter in his pocket. And before going out the gate, I took the lighter out and placed it on the high wall.

I went down the steep hill quickly. I passed through an alley illuminated by street lights and entered an alley without street lights. After passing through a dark alley, Joohan was greeted by an open space. This is a place I come to every night as a habit. Joo-han came down here every day with small expectations, fearing that there might be someone waiting for him here. But so far, the person Joo-han was waiting for has not arrived.

He used to be here smoking a cigarette and waiting for me, but now that three years have passed, everything seems to have become a blur for him. I put a cigarette in my mouth to relieve the bitterness, and only later realized that I had left my lighter behind. Joo-han bit down hard on the damp filter and threw the new, unsmoked cigarette on the floor.

Still, Joohan did not give up and came down to the vacant lot every day. If you happen to see a car you haven’t seen from afar, you run towards it and are disappointed when you see the car’s owner. Rather than waiting and wasting time like this every day, I thought it would be better to go and visit. But, I didn’t want to do that. If that person didn’t come to the vacant lot like this, I was planning to let go of my deep longing.

It was a month since I came down to the vacant lot every night. The steep alley was filled with the howling of wild cats in heat and the thick stench of sewage. The moment he passed through the unlit alley and out into the open space, Joo-han spotted a new car he had never seen before. And I saw a person smoking a cigarette close to the car.

The road was completely white due to the unusual snow falling from the sky. Every time I walked, the clearly engraved footprints were heading towards one place. People who were not clearly visible due to the distance become clearer. Joo-han’s eyes shook greatly as he saw a face he could not forget even after three years.

Yeo-rim, leaning on the railing and smoking a cigarette, was looking at the pitch-black sky where snow was pouring down. So I didn’t see Joohan approaching me. From the moment she became convinced that she was soft, her slow steps gradually became faster. Her lips are soft and she is about to call out to Yeo-rim. But her locked voice did not come out.

Joohan stopped for a moment and took a deep breath. While Joo-han has been coming down to the vacant lot for a whole month, Yeo-rim has not even seen a prick of her nose. Is the size of the longing really the same? Joo-han thought that his mind had regained its sense of reason. Even if it was because of his humble pride, he didn’t want to appear in a hurry. He wanted to act as if he never missed it even though he missed it, as if he had always been relaxed.

Yeorim was looking at her cell phone, which was vibrating. She slowly walked towards Yeo-rim, who was concentrating on her small screen with furrowed eyebrows. Even though she heard footsteps, she didn’t see Joo-han approaching. She asked in a calm voice, hiding all of her overwhelming emotions as she arrived right in front of Yeo-rim, who was irritably brushing the snow off her coat.

“Can you lend me a light?”

The winter when I first met Kang Yeo-rim was beginning anew.

<End of side story>